Welcome To Britain, Now Get in the Que.

UK Border Force:- "We Welcome Your Feedback"
A Hapless Immigration Officer, is now looking for his lost notes
(which are in my hand luggage)

I am, not for the first time, ashamed and embarrassed to be British; I just arrived at Birmingham Airport (BHX) from Dubai (DXB) on an uneventful Emirates Boeing 777 300 (ER) flight.
So then the normal wait to deplane, nothing wrong with that, it takes a little while to get the jetway to the doors, but what there is something Very Wrong with, is the wait to pass through the illustrious UK Border.
This is the middle of the morning, not a particularly busy time for airport arrivals, and the 777 was not full, less than 300 passengers,
What a depressing sight, the entire passenger complement being held waiting, for what?
The Passport Police to finish there coffee break ?
It's like this every time!

They are Never ready ! It's as if they never expect An Aeroplane to land, with loads of people on board.
Considerately, the down escalator have been switched off - To Avoid Congestion (so the sign said), the Border Force Trainee stood at the top of the stairs trying to limit queuing on the stairs.
And then the most appalling thing was - after my passport had been inspected and I had been allowed past, I asked the officer for one of his Feedback Forms
("You Know Why" - I said, and he just looked uncomfortable, as well he should ) and he gave me a form.
So on the shuttle to the railway station I took a look at the form, and was amazed to find it was already written on, but not with another discontent traveller's comments, but by an immigration officer who had used it to make notes about another passenger!
I was looking at the name, in fact the names of several  people (what-suspects ?) along with dates and what look like passport numbers and dates of birth (PPT 50837991x - sounds like a passport number)
What happened to the Data Protection Act? What happened to Due Diligence? How educated are these officers that they can give out Highly Confidential Information, to any passing tourist ?
The times I have heard "Can't reveal that due to the Data Protection Act...." and here are these numbskulls handing out passport numbers, dates and names of what - Persons Of Interest ?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/immigration/9426914/Relax-checks-to-cut-unacceptable-three-hour-airport-queues-say-MPs.html

Gambia Bird, Gambia Birdstrike.

On 12th June I arrived at Gatwick (Useless Bl00dy) Airport after an uneventful, but expensive rail journey.
Let me learn !  If I book on the day of travel I get Stung.
and was handed this bit of paper :

Gambia Bird, 12th June 2013 flight 3G2311 Gatwick/Freetown/BanjulIt is with regret that due to a bird strike yesterday in Banjul, the above flight is delayed.

The damage to the engine fan blades has meant that we have had to despatch replacement blades from Germany to Banjul in order for the engineers to replace them.
                                                                                    .... it continues but gets boring after that.
Anyway they compensated me with a food voucher for £7.50
But I would have given that up for a Smoking Room. (see earlier rant).

It's a bit of a surprise that West Africa gets so many bird strikes as it's not the sort of place you see thousands of starlings (feathered bullets) flocking like North Africa and Mediteranean countries, but many of the birds are pretty big and appear to fligh quite high.

So after the ten hour delay, we boarded one of 3G's two Airbus A319s for the medium haul to Freetown.
Food was not nice, but it was free.
Drink selection was very poor too; no gin and tonic, no whisky, in fact it was just beer or wine as far as alcohol was concerned and the wine ran out halfway over Mali.
The crew were surly, and the the flight deck did not make a single announcement to the passengers, which I found strange, I like to hear a voice at least once from the pointed end, if only to prove they are not sleeping.
Maybe their English is not so good.
The Gambian stewardess was decorative though.
So the flight was uneventful, and maybe slightly longer than usual, the french ATC being On-Strike meant we had to fly west initially to avoid french airspace.

Anyway would I recommend Gambia Bird ? Yes No Doubt.
Because the price was very low.
And to get the low price you have to have the patience of Jobe.
Their website will not recognise debit cards. The booking agent in London cannot match the website price and they will NEVER answer the phone in head office Karaiba Avenue.
maybe if they did the, plane would have been more than half full.
So think about it Gambia Bird: there's no point in having nice posters everywhere, if you have no one who wants to Take The Money!

Gatwick Airport. Not fit for Humans.

I Love this soapbox.

So Gatwick Airport. You are the most useless, customer irresponsive, waste of space.
Yes, it is a real word - Irresponsive
You are staffed, largely in part, a significant part anyway,  by Liars, who really just want to enjoy the cache of working for Britain's second busiest airport, and not provide any real service to the poor pathetic cattle who have the misfortune to be travelling from here.

Feck the Customers - Let's Party.

They even rejoice in the fact that 'sorry we have no information at the present....'- and I swear, that's the only time they grin.
Ok, so what's behind this rant? Maybe, is the complete lack of consideration for Smokers: After foolishly checking in for my (delayed) Gambia Bird flight to Freetown, I find myself  'Out of The Country' as the useless staff like to tell me.
Now I've been thinking about this, and it occurs to me if I light a cigarette while I'm 'Out of The Country' who can prosecute me? So, the 'Official Procedure' is this: The useless airline desk CAN take any smokers back Into the Country if they feel like it, but they have to get the permission of Immigration, who can approve, or not approve of this action.
Also they have to be ars3d to do it , and as they have a busy day of chatting with each other about TV programs they have watched and the price of bread, and dissappearing - all six of them, at the same time to their staff room, (where no doubt, they Can Smoke), they are not inclined to try to get permission for just one slightly bolshy smoker.
Did I mention that my delay was initially Five Hours before a revised departure time would be released, and it ended up being an Eight Hour Delay. (see next post about Gambia Bird)
And the lies ? Well one of the Airline Desks woman had the nerve to tell me - down the phone, not to my face - that everyone had been told that if they check in early, they will not be able to smoke.
Total complete utter LIE. I definately was not given that information.
Why does Gatwick Airport have to be (almost) the only airport in the World where no consideration is given for smokers ?
I don't care if they give me a small smelly room with an ashtray - just give me somewhere so I don't have to break your rules and inconvenience others.

Extreme Eye Rolling

Quote for the day :

                       If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague..

Me, I am a big believer in the Rolling Of Eyes. (Unlike Christian Grey)
but this girl just takes it to a scarey level....

 They actually disappear completely.
Anyway, she's not a bad looking girl - when she puts them back.
Hi Binta !http://www.facebook.com/binta.jammeh.37